Okay guys today I woke up with a big feeling that I need to change. I need a huge slap across the face in many regards and I’m going to ask that you all make this chick accountable because well… I’m finding it hard to not justify certain things and although I have the best intentions.. I get lazy.
Today I realized something… I realized that I’m a major justifier. I justify my spending, I justify my emotional eating, I justify my excuses. Everything. I’ve known this for a long time but today is the day I’ve finally made myself sit and think about it. How do I change this? Well for me.. I’m not extremely sure but I do know I’m going to give it everything I’ve got to try.
I have always had a shopping/spending problem, for as long as I can remember I would go to the mall or anywhere you need to buy something, and buy things. Useless things most of the time. In the moment I felt that I really needed things and it wasn’t until this past weekend when I looked in my summer clothing bin and found 20 bikinis… And I just bought three more!!! What the hell is wrong with me? Who needs that many bathing suits?? No one. Not even swimsuit models have that many damn bikinis. But I do, and I went to the beach three times last summer, once the year before and come on.. Not necessary.
I’m going to blame Instagram a little bit… On the daily I see cute pics of flowers, brand new outfits, a gold stapler, the latest Target haul and I feel inadequate. Majorly. Why? I have a wonder husband, a loving family, I have some of the best nutritional food on the planet, I have more than enough yet I feel like if I don’t have what everyone else has, I’m not good enough. Being truthful here.. I have always had this issue. My best friend of 23 years when we were little I used to be jealous because she would get anything she ever wanted and because I had a brother and she was an only child, I didn’t. (That’s some really messed up thinking eh)
Here’s where I would justify my spending… The dollar store has some cute things sometimes so I wouldn’t be spending a whole lot but I would still spend on things that do not matter. “It was only $30 for all of this stuff” often came out of my mouth when my husband would politely ask is that new? (Regretfully lowers head/avoids eye contact)
My husband is the sole provider for our little family, and has been for a while while I try to make my business successful. He is so amazing and I often take his kind heart for granted. (Again lowers head/avoids eye contact) What a bad wife! That goes through my mind daily. How could I so foolishly spend his money while he works his ass off in another province so that I don’t have to go back to a job I hate and make my business happen. No. That’s enough, it’s time to grow up!
This month I’ve decided to take the contentment challenge. I’m not fully sure what that is or what it’s going to do to me (have the straight jacket on standby) but I need to start appreciating what I have and that I have enough. I am enough. I need to be grateful for the things that matter like sunny days, green grass, my health, a home that doesn’t suck, and God. I need to start giving my husband a real good reason to keep me around for the next 80 years. (I’m sure he would laugh at this because he loves me anyway but for me, I need to show him)
So.. Contentment.
1 Timothy 6:6-7
But godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either.
Luke 3:14
And some soldiers were questioning him, saying, “And what about us, what shall we do?” And he said to them, “Do not take money from anyone by force, or accuse anyone falsely, and be content with your wages.”
Proverbs 14:30
A tranquil heart is life to the body, But passion is rottenness to the bones.
Ecclesiastes 2:10-11
And all that my eyes desired I did not refuse them. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure, for my heart was pleased because of all my labor and this was my reward for all my labor. Thus I considered all my activities which my hands had done and the labor which I had exerted, and behold all was vanity and striving after wind and there was no profit under the sun.
Luke 12:15
And He said to them, “Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.”
Job 36:11
If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures.
Joshua 1:9
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
Hebrews 13:5
Let your character be free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,”
Philippians 4:11-12
Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
WOW! It’s funny when you put it all into perspective and it’s a big punch to the gut as well. I never really thought of being brought into this world with nothing, leaving this world with nothing. So why must I have everything while I’m here?
This month is about finding joy in the simple things…
My marriage being meaningful
My home being comfortable
My diet being nutritious
My relationships being full of service
My spirit being rich
So I’ve taken the challenge to be content. To stop letting the accounts I follow on Instagram rule how I live my life. This is going to be really hard, I will admit that there might be tears and frustration and even some jealousy. But I will remain mindful of that, and keep the idea of I have enough, I am enough always on the forefront.
There it is folks, the honest to goodness truth that is me.
Will you take the contentment challenge? I would love to know how you plan to live fully and happily with what you’ve got. XO
Blooms n Bowties 